CONTENTS : Main Page Photo Stories Top Lists The Encyclopaedia Of Snopple Silly Pictures Sar-Casm Wars | Top Lists During the course of many university lessons, boredom led to the creation of many top ten lists. Featured here are some of the classics. I suppose it was a 'had to be there sort of thing', as most of these entries will be lost on most. So please enjoy & remember fondly if you were there.
People who we'd rather be in a lesson with...
1. The Jolly Green Giant
2. Lucy the giant, 'twin snogging' woman
3. Rod Hull
4. Malcolm Meatball Head
5. Everybody in the room naked ( minus lecturer )
6. Sandi Toksvick
7. That fat guy, Mike McShane
8. Sandra Bullock. Sarcasm = Nil ( By Matt )
9. A giant version of Mossy
10. Nellie the elephant
11. Harry Corbett ( The dead one )
12. Soo, as the lecturer
Changes that we'd would make to the lecture theatre & surroundings
1. Outlaw the word, 'the'
2. Ban the following words... 'Erm...', 'Er...', 'Ah...', 'Annnnd', and all long pauses
3. Ban the term 'Playstation friend' and such like
4. Ban terms referring to someone you don't know that well. e.g. 'that Tony', instead of just 'Tony'
5. Hang up pictures around the room of Wonder Woman, in action!
6. Have a button in front of everyone, when pressed, a Buzz Lightyear doll descends from the ceiling, bringing much fun and joy.
7. Have a button that summons Grotbags at the front of the lecture room.
8. Make everyone change into miniature sized versions of themselves and go on a fantastic adventure in Maureen's colon
9. Wash the seats with Lemon-fresh Bounce (c)
10. Actually make the product, Bounce (c). Produce real bouncing in people, so much so that they can't stop.
11. Eat bananas from a desktop 'Banana dispenser'.
12. Place a Christmas tree on Duncan Ray's head.
13. Make everyone wear purple wigs
14. Replace all the furniture with chocolate dishwashers
15. Erect a boredom-o-meter on the wall which measures impatientness in a room. The top boredom level equals to 'Duncan Ray Lecture'
16. Make everyone sit on a giant statue of Mossy's head Chip Efficiency List : During a Duncan Ray lesson
Confused chip 58%
Bring back Chris Proctor chip 98%
So much so chip 100%
And I thought last semester was bad chip 99%
Crawl under the table and sleep chip 79.5%
Lets tranquilize him chip 83.9%
I want to die chip 61%
Lets shit on him chip 59%
Isn't he like Tony Hart chip 85%
Wonder where Morph is chip 86%
He sounds like John Major chip 85%
And is as old as Terry Nutkins chip 91%
What is the fucking point of this chip 98%
Lets all wade in and twat him chip 99.9%
I'd rather eat worms chip 99.998%
I'd rather eat mud chip 95%
Urge to stand up and shout 'Wanker!' chip 92.4%
I'd rather shag Hanna ( from Neighbours ) chip 90%
I'd rather shag Bouncer chip 91%
I'd rather give Helen ( from Neighbours ) oral sex chip 95%
I'd rather feed myself to the goldfish chip 80%
Ham Sandwich chip 92.3%
I'd rather give Wicket oral sex chip 35% ( Shudder )
I'd rather play cricket in the Artic chip 84%
I'd rather wrestle with Maureen chip 91%
I'd rather sleep with Marlene chip ?% ( Controversial question mark !! )
Wheres Sooty and Matthew Corrbett chip 98%
Kevin would rather sleep with Ged chip 100%
So much stop it chip 100%
List including things that induce more excitement than a very boring Duncan Ray lesson 1. Chess
2. King's Quest 1
3. Those afternoons on holidays, when you wake up at 1:15pm
4. Boring episodes of Star Trek, like the one when Picard visited his brother on earth
5. Waking up at 6:45am, and then waiting in a pissed off way for the alarm to go at 7:00am
6. The feeling of 'wasting a day' that you get when leaving Debenhams on Thursday at 8:05pm
7. A Bus Ops lesson...... with Helen Hayes!!
8. Going for a fun filled action packed day out at Bradford
9. Listening to the Prodigy's 'Firestarter'
10. Silly squiggly swirly patterned t-shirts List of what might have happened to Matt ( Upon failure of arrival ) 1. I don't know.
2. He's eating jelly.
3. He's dead.
4. He's been eaten by a giant toad named 'Stuart'.
5. He's married grot-bags in a secret wedding ceremony.
6. The bus has broken down, he's now trying to hopscotch to college.
7. Sooty 'came alive' last night, and Matt's been talking to him all day.
8. Chris has shown him the portal to another dimension, they are now lost and live their lives along the lines of 'Sliders'.
9. Matt has turned into a Giant Sprout, and is currently being eaten by the whole family.
10. Matt's discovered Frosties secret formula.
11. Matt has discovered that his long lost aunt is in fact, Ged, He is now at home thinking of suicide.
12. Matt's discovered he's really an Ewok, and is now building a wooden house in his back garden.
13. Matt has gone and got his foot stuck in a grid. There are a string of people behind him in a chain, trying to pull him out.
14. He's in a recording studio, singing his new Chart Busting single - 'Bubbles & Balloons', an original idea by Matthew Corbett. |
